The Mind – during decision making!
For all those that know me will probably know how much i freak out when it comes to making life changing decision…i think, we all do! This is the worst part of adulting…making D-E-C-I-S-I-O-N-S.
This one wasn’t just about moving countries, or changing jobs…it was something huge! It was about the life of our children, their future, their entire failure and success…we were taking this in our very own hands…homeschooling!
Lets take a step back from here and understand why we even thought about this in the first place…
The idea about homeschooling had been in and out of our minds for quite sometime. Three years ago, we were immersed in the idea but never had the courage to take the plunge. It was too scary! How could I, a mother, who has never taught any child before, pull my children out from mainstream schooling and wreck their future? It was just too difficult to accept and topped with uncertainties and lack of confidence…we ditched the idea. The boys went back to school and i found a wonderful job. Life was busy, very busy.
To give you a feel of how our life transformed by my ability to work and support our home…read this…we were living in absolute luxury. Family time was drastically eliminated from our lives. It was a fast paced, materialistic life. This went on and on and on for a year. My children demanded time, particularly my time…as a mother…i didn’t have any to give them.
Life started becoming a burden. Here was the slump, the dreaded slump we face after having a very enjoyable materialistic life. Alhamdulillah for this blessing…this is when you get the wake up call…that something isn’t going right.
It was the 7th of September, 2017…the worst day of my working life. I cannot put into words how horrible my day was at work. Usually, i am a very strong person, i do not break down as easily, that day i did. I had had enough.
I remember ranting to my husband on that day, and sarcastically saying, “I will homeschool them”. I didn’t get a single reply from him all day…odd. Only after he came home, he said to me, “I think this is a sign from Allah, this is the right time to start homeschooling”. I stood there, watching the words pour out, in shock. He was right.
SubhanAllah, i do not have words to express how things happen. I frantically looked up to find the homeschoolers group in Doha. I stumbled upon a post that said there was a homeschoolers meet up at IKEA the following Saturday, the 9th of September, for people who were new to homeschooling or couldn’t make up their minds about it. We had to go.
Saturday, was the day everything changed. We went to the meet up, asked numerous questions and while asking those questions, i felt that my mind and heart was at the right place. I was ready to homeschool. During this difficult decision making process, my dear friends were of utmost assistance. They pushed me through, made me feel i was good enough and confident enough to stand up for myself. And so i did…stand up for myself and the future of my children.
September 10th, 2017…i resigned. It wouldn’t have been so easy, if it wasn’t for the sake of my children. Three days into the decision making process and my mindset had been transformed.
I am able to trust a stranger, being with my children for over 8 hours a day…but i do not trust my motherly instincts and my ability to teach?
Working in a school had opened my eyes to various aspects. Children are social animals. They are free birds, who like to soar high in the sky…that is when learning happens. However, in a school setting (with intentions not being questioned here), just with the sheer amount of children in a single building, this freedom is compromised. Children are constantly asked to “shush”, constantly asked to “suppress their thoughts”. Academically, the attention a child can get from a teacher with 20 children isn’t good enough for me.
I have taught my children how to walk, talk, manners, hygiene and more. I was their only educational institute when they were born. What makes me think i can’t do it anymore?
And so…we took the plunge. We were officially going to homeschool and we still are…Alhamdulillah.
Thinking about the reactions we had from people around us..? let’s leave that for another post shall we?